The Truth Behind the Veil

"Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." - Sigmund Freud

"SELF" by Anthony Micallef courtesy of The artist and Lazarides London

The perception one has of themselves holds entirely more weight than we previously believed. Personally, I grew up with the understanding that a person's actions also communicated with the honest part of their brain, in which their words and belief systems line up. Only until an extremest's journey to find oneself did I understand the damage done to those not ready to do the same. While the journey is crutial to prolonged development, I can understand why many fear the idea. It took me a majority of my life to narrate myself honestly, I mentally had to tear myself apart and accept each piece's vulnerability to be able to understand and use it for the betterment of good. Again, in the words of psychologist Sigmund Freud, "A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes, but to get into accord with them; they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world". The idea is terrifying, especially to one suffering for narcissist ideologies. While it can be assumed that one seeming full of himself viewed himself greatly, it can be no further from the truth. Narcissists hate themselves to the core, and from that is formed a false sense of self - leaking from within and harming those who care for them. They believe that they are worth hating, and when praised with love they dont know how to react. They begin to demean those who love them, because they subconsciously believe that one claiming to have seen them in a positive light must have a skewed perspective. But they fail to see the beauty in themselves, and I dont know which idea hurts more. The idea that they hate you or that they hate themselves. Those who love people suffering in this way, are metaphorically killing themselves trying to fill a broken glass. They pour their love outward towards the glass, but it is broken and the love finds a way to leak out - draining not only the broken glass, but the one trying so desperately to fill it. It is within itself a self sabotaging cycle for both parties. What remains the best course of action? It must first be understood that narcissists and empaths often attract like moths to a flame. While the empath knowingly loves everything, and finds the value in everything - especially the complicated- the narcissist lacks even the understanding of how to do so, but unknowingly yearns for it. The love the empath gives out is a mirrored image of the love the narcissist cannot give themseleves.

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, It does not boast. It is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking. It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love does not fail."

While I am unsure of what directly causes narcissism, I surprisingly hurt for those considered as such. To hate oneself is the most awful of emotions, you feel as though you are unworthy of surviving and have no qualities worth saving, but let me just tell you this. You are. There will come those who see past the veil you hide yourself underneath and they will genuinely love your flaws, and my advice is to let them. While some love to gain, others love simply to admire and appreciate because each of us is worth loving. You have to change your perspective if you ever hope of overcoming how you feel, and there is an escape. If others are noticeably able to love you, instead of pushing them away understand that they see something worth loving. You are someone worth loving. Some will see past the image you promote as yourself and see you for the person you ARE, vulnerabilities and all, and they CHOSE to stay and continue loving even when it meant sacrificing themselves. Work on building yourself up, with the goal of being able to love back. To be able to properly love someone else, we must master the ability to love ourselves. Love consists of flaws, and so do we. To be able to appreciate ourselves is the ground work for appreciating others, or even life itself. Understand that the mask you hide behind is pointless. Any games played are understood and veils are seen through. In the end, the truth always comes out. So why not accept it. Create something with it. Nurture it. Find the value in yourself.

Anthony Micallef in studio